so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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