I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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