I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
