It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
