R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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