if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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