everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
