I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize