I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
you made out with another girl for some wings
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
