She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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