Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
