all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
