sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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