I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
