Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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