Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
