i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize