Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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