i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
