you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
