My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
