I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
