When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
