My Higher Power is John Stamos
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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