The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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