youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Say something about gay babies.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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