I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
