You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
