So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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