Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
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She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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