It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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