SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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