Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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