So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it was like eating out sand paper
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
