He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Can I color on your dick again?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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