Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
