I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
