I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
how drunk are you?
Several
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
