I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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