That's intense
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
