Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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