Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I believe in your delicious
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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