**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?