..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
