I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos