guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
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all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
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fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat