I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This is the high leading the old right now
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing