not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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