I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
