i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
