I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
