actually, I'm a sock model
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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