It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
