how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I want a musical about memes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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