Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We're too hungover to prance.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
