no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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