Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
