after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
