you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
