you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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