Three words: puerto rican gang bang
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
