i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
