I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
