I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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