yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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