What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
