i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
