We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
