She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
