Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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