Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
