just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you win again, gameday.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
