is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
