I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
