butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
