I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
