Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
