And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
