Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
