I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
