Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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