I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
