She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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